Monday, October 31, 2005

På begäran: Say hello to my little friend

Pacino is THE mob king.
Although De Niro´s smoother, cooler, but Pacino immortalizes the cool wannabee greaseball immigrant to perfection.


Scorseses´movie Goodfellas, is one of my favourite movies of all time. Whenever I´m in the mood for some kick ass movie, it´s Goodfellas I watch. Or Casino. Or Raging Bull. Or the Godfather. Scarface. Blood in, blood out. Rocky I-III. Eeeh. Got a lot of favourite movies.
When it comes to movies, I guess I´m not really a girls girl, although I enjoy a cosy romcom now and then.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Fratellinos´got the best food

Went to my lillebrors place for Sunday hang out and dinner. The kid made his own pasta and made it look supereasy. (Easy enough for an unpractical diva as me, I might try it out sometime) Then he made a delicious Pasta Carbonara. He´s so talented my little brother I sometimes worry if he´s wasting his talent, but I´ve promised him to not be an obnoxious big sister, so I won´t touch that subject again.
Best laugh of the evening was when he showed me the hilarious - what do you call them, you know those baby "hats" that you tie under their chin? Like a small hood. Well, one of those but with "horns" came with the Devils outfit he´d bought to the Halloween party he went to yesterday.
I laughed my arse off.

Lovely with one more hour today! Still got lots of time to fix things before kicking back and watching Nip/Tuck while I do my nails.
Doing my nails on Sunday evenings´been my own private ritual for years. When I was a teenager I watched, what´s it know the series with the character Jack Killian, the cop that doubled as radio host. Other Sunday treats through the years have included Boston Homicide, Beck-movies, The Sopranos and nowadays Nip/Tuck. Lovely.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Tosca, sei tu

...e lucevano le stelle....I love that part, the adagio in the beginning of the third act. Besides giving me goosebumps it makes me cry, the beauty of it all is owerwhelmingly touching. It was magnicifent. Totally magnificent.
I really have to visit the opera more often than only once /season.

Now I´m just going to listen to "e lucevano le stelle" a couple of 48690486 more times and finish some stuff before hitting the bed. Tomorrow will start earlier than the past days. Got to get my act together.

Opera tonight

Tosca! I love Tosca. I love opera. I love Italian opera.

London craving

If I can´t make it to London before the end of the year I´ll go berserk.

Return of the Gonzombie

It came back today and just left, the stubborn arsehole likes to visit I guess and who am I to blame it. Felt really bad this morning but somehow I got through and got things done, stopped by VeckoRevyn to pick up books, chat a bit with Sparkling Sunshine and the other guys and say hello to new boss, Ebba.
It´s really a different vibe there now. Somehow you can still feel the spirits of Charlotta, Kicki, Maria and Anna, like soft glitter on the harsh walls.

After that the Gonzombie had to call it a day. Went grocery shopping - am now starting project "Try to eat even though nobody is watching". With all the fire accident-shit I totally lost my appetite for food. Spoke with my father this evening and really had to force myself not to cry. Or at least not make him notice me crying, parents tend to start worrying and I don´t want that. Apparently the wound on his arm is healing very well, but the pain on his thigh from where the surgeouns took the tissue was a real bitch after the aenesthesia stopped working its magic.

I really, really want my father to come home now. Hopefully he & Isabel will next week.
I know I´m kind of pathethic, my brother always tells me to cut the umbilical cord once and for all, but it´s not that easy. And it´s no Freudian Electra-stuff or similar.
It all comes down to one thing, and it´s the fact that the moment my father gave me, my brother and Isabel the possibility to have a life with more freedom, opportunities, choices - he gave me wounds that are so deep they´ll take an awful lot of time to repair. If they ever. Hence my issues. I can´t stand being to close to someone - and that goes for both lovers and friends - cause I´m disgustingly aware of the fact that they can disappear whenever.

Stupid fucking sentimental Gonzombie. It´s all it´s fault. Cause hangovers do that to the brain, the cells are so poisoned they don´t do other stuff than produce anguish, remorse and sentimental shit. Nonetheless - I will never give up having fun and enjoying nice beverages.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I can get no sleep.... to winded up! Must´ve been the sparkling sight of the totally fabulous diamondrings Her Fabulousness Herself and Therese - the superutrikeskorre, bought! Diamonds truly are a girls best friends! Yessssss!

Really exciting evening at Ribbhagen, with history and loads of good-to-know-information + trying out GREAT jewelry, and all this in fabulous company and a glass of champagne. Divalicious. Totally divalicious.

Can´t believe the clock´s striking 02.31.....wherethef did this evening go?! Ah, well, it was very interesting, we talked about everything from old flames (yes, Darryl, a.k.a Scrappy, you´re still on my mind sometimes) to racism (here we go again) to designer bags and if you actually can shop yourself happy (I´m a firm believer of retail therapy, call me material, consumist, shallow, whatever).
Oh, and almost forgot - is it ok to ignore Jude Law if you feel like five kinds of shit and he and his kin starts chatting you up in NY?! I know ladies, it´s understandable (the five kinds of shit-thing) but not the ignoring part. You don´t ignore Jude Law. You just don´t.

And my last words this night goes out to you, princesses Nikki, Krina and Leyla! I really miss you guys. Nothing ever, ever, ever compares to kompisar från förr and specially the United Colors of Benetton. Remember that guys?! I still got the picture in a frame.

Big hug goes out to my homegirl EJP - don´t worry about anything girl, everything will just turn out fine. Remember Danilos famous words "Fuck it. I´m glamorous".

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Rainy day in Suburbia

Out here once again. It´s quiet, the surroundings are really nice, but it still reminds me of so much from the past it´s kind of uncomfortable. I really wish my parents would move somewhere else.

I always think of Ss´mom when I pass by the building where they used to live more than a decade ago. I remember them, I remember her, the love she had for us kids, always a kind word, always being nice and above all, always tolerating all the stupid shit we did. Smoking in the balcony when we thought no one else was around. Coming over late for sleepovers, coming home smashed and totally giggly.
Those were the days.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Woke up this evening

Totally crashed after Tristans swimming class (which was totally superfun, am very, very proud auntie). But I feel totally energy drained, like a vampire poor in blood. Morbid metaphor perhaps, but I´m actually feeling somewhat ill, like I´m catching a cold or something. Hopefully not. Hopefully it´s not the flu and speaking of it, hope the scary bird disease don´t start spreading around here.

Great Nip/Tuck episode, by the way. Although it made me feel slightly sick since it reminded me of a whole lot of shit from relationships past. Never said I was an angel, but damn, you don´t have to behave like the worse kind of arsehole there is just because you have certain issues.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

One down

And one left. Better do it before I proceed with saturday evening.
Tomorrow I have to get up kind of early since I´ll attend to my beloved little cousin-kid Tristans first swimming class, yeah! Auntie Gonza will put on bathing suit and keep an eye on him in the kids swimmingpool. Although kids aren´t really my cup of tea at this stage in life, I really enjoy playing around with Tristan. It´s kind of remarkable that the kiddo remembers me from time to time and always answers "det är jag!" when I ask him "vem är fasters favorit?".

Listened to P3 for a while but I just couldn´t stand all the tokroligheter. Stoopid. Innovation and reinvention anyone?

....and I miss you, yes I miss you

When you´ve grown up with a constant feeling of loss, of missing people, you get quite used to it. It´s like you´ve got a constant hole in the heart or the soul or where the fuck that feeling´s supposed to hang out in the system. Nonetheless, even though I´m used to feel like that, it still kinds of hurt. Like now when I spoke to my parents, they are ok and my fathers surgery went well. But they still don´t know for sure when they´re coming back.

And I miss my grandmother. Every time I speak to her I kind of panic and don´t want to hang up because I don´t know if it will be the last time we speak. Actually, I know it´s like that with all people, I mean, we are not immortal.

Fuck, there I go again, I know we all have to go but I can´t stand the thought that everyone that actually means something for me have to.

I better work and not think, better work and not think, better work and not think, better work and not think....

Friday, October 21, 2005


Theme of the day: terrible hangover.
Why, why, why is it THAT difficult to not drink more than what´s actually healthy? Well, tell'em that it´s human nature....

Yes, had loads of fun, but it´s like really not worth to feel like five kinds of crap and feeling like a Gonzombie an entire day. Had 14 documents to deliver today and woke up at 10.00
Bad girl. Very, very bad. Must be the wine. Next time I´ll stick to spirits, good old vodka, rhum, etc. Managed to turn everything in, in time and feel somewhat better about self now. Better girl, but not good.

Called my parents but they were at the hospital since my father is having the surgery today. They´re transplanting tissue from his thigh to his arm. Hope it all goes well without complications, I´m sure it will, but nonetheless it feels bad being at the opposite side of the world and not being able to do something. Very frustrating.

Am so tired I could actually puke, but that´s not a good idea, better call it an early night and maybe check out Russell Crowe. He´s not really the kind of guy I like, but he has a certain appeal. The kind I really like - Jamile from the American contest "So you think you can dance". What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man...

Buenas noches world, this hungovered latinodiva really has to catch some beauty sleep, God knows I need it. Althought I got compliments yesterday, but whattef, salespeople are always trying to lick your arse, aren´t they?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Hung up?

What do you think about Queen Mads new tune?
Isn´t it a bit..."I´ve run out of creativity and now, after some decades of total innovation and reinvention, I´m using ABBA"?
Feels a bit like recycling of leftovers but I´m probably gonna end up dancing to it anyway.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Touchy, touchy

Created big discussion today when questioning a friends opinion about a "very" black person, was he even more bothering for the color or was he bothering overall.
And discovered it was a very, very, touchy subject. How could I possibly imagine she or anyone else in that network would have racist thoughts?
The answer is quite simple. I´m the only non-white in that company. Of course I question stuff that seem strange to me and that I want to get a grip of.
Anyhow, really expercienced how touchy the subject can be, the whole thing became very interesting. People really get insulted when you question them on these matters, it´s like you´ve told them to do unspeakable things to their mother.

The scariest thing of all in these kind of discussions are that ones own prejudices and biased opinions suddenly show up knocking on the door. I have to admit I have some problems with my opinions of everything that´s not urban. Rural environments kind of give me the creeps, no matter how beautiful they might be. I have been working on it though, and now I don´t automatically think I´m visiting inbred capitals of the world as soon as I leave the 08-area. And I really, really try to not assume. Because that, as Mr Goldberg said, makes an ass of you and me.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Good manners

What is it with some people with kids that makes them neglect the fact that their little sunshines actually can be very annoying for people that DON´T want to be annoyed?

Nightbus & I tried the jazz-cajun-brunch at Amaranten (thank you for recommending, Bridexena!) and were quite pleased - if it weren´t for the fact that there were kids running around. Since when did restaurants become playgrounds? One obnoxious kid approached us and asked for our names. Stupid kid. And very stupid parents that didn´t even bother to tell it to stop bothering people.
When did people stop caring about good manners when socializing in public environments?

Otherwise, very nice Sunday! Some figures:
- 3: times I helped myself to the brunch buffé
- 30: minutes spoken with parents
- 52: nail colour from CM I´ll beautify my claws with
- 100: minimum of times I´ve listened to Efter Midnatt today
- 118: pages read in preppy but cool coaching-book
- 122: minutes left to next episode of Nip/Tuck

Efter midnatt

"......du vet hur det går ner efter midnatt....jag vill bara sitta här längst bak och känna vibben av min hemstad med en sänkt gard.....pallar inte prata sarkastiskt om din mamma....det är så det ligger till när solen har trillat ner och månen kommit upp över ditt kvarter..."

I love it!!! Found "Löftet" at last, am very pleased. Lovelovelove Efter midnatt, it´s my best autumn tune.

Miss my grandmother, though.
Miss my parents too.

Buenas noches world and sweet dreams, specially to Her Fabulousness Herself. I´m always here if you´d need it, sweetiepie. And big hug to two of the most beautiful and adorable kids I know; Tristan and Martez - yes, yes, your glamorous faster will entertain you soon again.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

513 years - discovery or slavery?

Today it´s supposedly 513 years since Mr Columbus (of whatever origin he was, spanish, italian, or portuguese) discovered America and everything that came with it.
But has it been 513 years of cool discovery of other cultures or years of slavery beneath the European oligarchy?

Will never, ever forget when (during my US year) walking in on campus area the morning of Columbus Day - in Latin america named Dia de la Ráza - and seeing the flags of all Latinamerican countries. It gave me goose bumps. Same thing happened when I got to visit what - supposedly - is Columbus grave, in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic.

Anyhow, being a total blend of European entrepreneurs/convicts/dreamers who came to the New World in search of a better life and riches, and latinamerican natives - and hopefully there might be fugitive african slaves way back - is quite cool. It´s like belonging everywhere and nowhere.

Well, Feliz Cumpleaños Americas!
And remember, many of the treasures the Europeans claims are theirs, are actually of American origin:
- coffee
- cocoa/chocolate
- chili
- sugar
- sabor!!!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Charcoalgrilled tuna & red wine

Now add to that fabulous, smart company and Amaretto - and the evening can´t be better.

While walking home in the lukewarm autumnair, enjoying every minute and really appreciating the beauty of the church and graveyard in the dark, stars glowing, planes flying, people walking on by...I suddenly missed...yes. Exactly. There´s something about fall that makes me think of this person. Kind of annoying actually. Does it mean I´ll never get through a fall without the Ghost of Autumns Past hunting me?!

Nobel Prize craze

It´s very exciting every year when the winner of the Nobel Prize in litterature is announced. The other prizes are of course exciting too, but there´s a certain mystic and secret halo around the litterature prize.
This year there are controverses about Elfriede Jelinek, last years winner. Don´t really get why people are arguing about it now, a whole year after. Don´t really make sense, does it?

Hopefully someone of Coetzees (Nobel Prize 2003) caliber get the prize this year. Loved "Disgrace". I liked Jelinek, she´s cocky, but I still find her too neurotic - kind of a female Woody Allen in bookshape, sexually frustrated and on speed.

If I´d ruled the world - or at least Svenska Akademien - I´d give the Nobel Prize to Isabel Allende.

Fire last night in a corner a couple of blocks away. Scary.

Sunday, October 09, 2005


1-0 loss. Z didn´t even play because of injury, Ljungberg was handled very violently and Larsson never got the chance.
Very sad.
Don´t even want to think about what happened in the penalty situation, the Mellberg-hand.
With the Holland penalty situation fresh in mind (2004 European Championship) - when Mellberg didn´t make it - you can´t but feel sorry for the captain.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Say hello to the bad girl

I just can´t stop loving you, shopping - the one and only true love of my life. Yes, yes, am bad, materialistic arse living in this consuming world. And loving every minute.

This is my latest crush. Have to have it cause Tony Montana is my all time bad guy hero.
Other bad guy heroes:
- Vito Corleone, The Godfather
- Santino Corleone, The Godfather
- Henry Hill, Goodfellas
- Robert De Niro in every movie he plays the bad guy (or boxer)
- Nino Brown, New Jack City
- Paco, Blood in Blood Out (before he turns good)

Bad guys make the world go round.

Smug or compulsive shopper?

After lovely brunch - mostly consisting of beverages = juice, smoothie, latte and then a big latte on top of that - and fabulous spaning, everything from smug-ROOM-shopping-couples to cute but corny arses - with Nightbus, I couldn´t stop myself but had to visit Frank Form. And shop.

Tried about five or six different garments - that I took my time to try on, while smug couples outside with corny dialects tried to give me the evil eye for using the only fitting room, which just made me slowing down the process further - and fell totally in love with a black (surprise) shirt from Loreak Mendian. Just had to buy it and ignore the shopping ban I put on myself. Call me a masochist.

In a couple of hours I´ll succumb to another pleasure I love to indulge in: watching Mr Z work his magic in the pitch, hopefully he and übersex-on-legs Ljungberg and beautiful Mr Larsson will shoot the blue&yellow squad to next years FIFA World Cup.

Friday, October 07, 2005


As Ren & Stimpy would´ve said.

Am listening to Radio Stockholm while working and to my disgust they have swedish artist Pernilla Wahlgren as guest. I used to like her. When I was like 10-13 years. Now she feels like terrible hasbeen, playing the same papers over and over again. Please.
But that´s not all.
A couple of seconds ago she got the question about best song from a movie. She started to sing "(I had) The time of my life" from Dirty Dancing and said it was from An Officer and A Gentleman. Please woman, you´re supposed to be an artist, get a grip!!!

Had to switch radio channel very quickly not to vomit very violently.

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Enough drama, now back to style and bling!

Princess Nikki, you´r by far not the only one out there trapped in the marvellous joy of listing. Inspired by Anna, Jessi and NB, here goes my fashionlist, på svenska though. Added a personal favourite to the list.

Min klädstil: Ghettofabulous hiphop latinodiva + siciliansk naughty katolsk änka = Gonza
Mina favoritdesigners/märken: Cheap Monday, Dolce & Gabbana, Wale Adeyemi, etc, beror på dagsformen.
Klädbudget varje månad: 0 - 5000 eller mer, beror på
Min stilikon: Sophia Loren, Frida Kahlo, Evita Perón, Eva Mendes, Mary J Blige
Mitt modemåste i höst: Ett par stövlar jag tänkte slå klorna i snart. Och boleron jag hittade på Katitzi, minns inte designerns namn.
Min värsta modemiss: Hemsk stilblandning ´87.
Mitt värsta klädminne: Återigen den hemska stilblandningen ´87.
Mitt bästa köp: Brun tweedkjol med falsk spetsunderkjol från Tara Jarmon hösten 2001.
Mitt sämsta köp: Supersyntetiska toppar.
Mitt favoritplagg: Just nu: Svarta långa baslinnen från Weekday.
Mina favoritskor: Just nu: Vagabondstövlarna med snörning.
Alltid: Paljettskorna från MiuMiu.
Mina favoritjeans: Just nu: två par Cia från Lindeberg. Buttmagic!
Mitt dyraste plagg: Hm....svårt, återkommer om det.
Mitt smyckeskrin: Äkta och oäkta bling i skön blandning.
Mitt modemotto: Det är inte vad utan hur man bär det. Och less is always a big bore.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


Talked with my father and he´s ok, am sooo relieved! The burn is taken good care of and he´s becoming his usual ass-kicking self.

In the meantime, at the other side of the world, the one closer to the Arctic - me, myself and I have been working, working, working. Am not complaining, at the contrary, am very, very happy I´ve got so much work I can literally bury myself in it and not think. Just shut it off.

Will spend most of the evening in the same way because I really want to finish some stuff before friday. This weekend I´d like to just kick back, hang out and socialize without being too stressed or tired. And I want to read the fabulous book I´m reading! The titel is "Blod och död" (very much me) and its about a reality show where the ones participating are the worse serial killers stranded at a beautiful island, fed with sugar, exposed to horror and violent movies, etc. Very exciting.

Next week it´ll be 6 months since I quit my boring, stiff, broomstick-up-the-ass officejob. Guess if I regret it.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Pappa kom hem

I just want my father to come back home. Turns out the burn he got was serious.
In the meantime I´m trying to work my ass off to avoid thinking. Guess you can call it a defence mechanism, sticking head in the sand, yadayada, etc, and frankly - that´s another art I´ve developed to perfection.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Memories in ashes

Fire down in my parents new house.
Luckily nobody got hurt, even though the firemen crashed stuff on their way. (If the chilean firemen were payed like everyone else they might be more professional about their doings.) But my dad is ok and that´s really all that matters. I am sorry for the stuff that no longer is, but they were material things, things from the past. And as the buddhists say: you shall not let things own/possess you.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Good morning good girl

Nice feeling waking up somewhat early a weekend morning and:
- not having a hangover
- feel that I´ve had enough sleep
- getting down to work, all the catching up I have to do to meet my monday deadlines

Yesterday evening was total bliss, with dinner at Claudias´(now, can that girl cook! Have to take Claudia-cooking lessons) and flickering through magazines. My new addiction is Vixen. Only for latina and afro babes. Very refreshing!

We also talked about friends and agreed on the following cathegories of friends:
  • For Real
    The ones that you really can talk about EVERYTHING with. The ones that really care and dare to ask incomfortable questions. You seldom get tired of hanging out with the For Real-ones and always feel that you see them less than you really want.
  • Superficial Bores
    The ones you see now and then and that can be fun to hang out with, but with them you can only talk about a number of things.
  • Aquaintances
    Can develop into For Real and/or Superficial Bores, it all depends of what you have in common.